Floccinaucinihilipilificaic Mathematics To Spawn Idiot Villages

In a press release today it was announced by Mathematicians from de Mass University in Belgium that a new, revolutionary method called the Population Density Factor or PDF has been developed for measuring the average stupity levels of any populated area.

Population Density Factor is the measure of the number per unit area divided by the average IQ of the areas inhabitants. Simply put for those of you who are not clever enough to work it out for yourselves the formula is: total area population / land area in square miles (or square kilometers) / average IQ.

For example, Britains population of 60 million, divided by the land area of 242,514 square kilometers yields a density of 247 people per square kilometer. This divided by the average IQ of 100 gives a Poulation Density Factor of 2.47. This would indicate the UK is a stupid place but it behooves The Gekko to point out that the Density Factor within the country varies dramatically - a vast majority of the most stupid people live in the northern part of the country and of course these figures include Wales (Editors note: not to mention the Scilly Isles - it's right there in the name) Population Density Factor is only a rough gauge to measure a population's level of simple minded, slow-witted gormlessosity across the entire land.

Professor Idi Ohsee MA Dsc IENt ISt Phd, 85, of de Mass University claimed it was the single most important breakthrough in the world of Floccinaucinihilipilificaic Mathematics, "It is the single most important breakthrough in the world of Floccinaucinihilipilificaic Mathematics", he said during an interview with The Gekko conducted via semaphore. His sentiment was echoed by his fellows in an annoying, schoolboy manner; although admittedly it is quite clever to echo with flags.

There were some negative comments made about PDF and several groups said that they worried about the misuse of such information and the possible creation of super intelligent zones where stupid people would be cast out. The inevitable conclusion of such a policy would be to force all the morons to group together. Quipped celebrity sociologist and anthropologist and Playboy Playmate of the Month Bunny Boyler , 19, "No longer would there be village idiots, but Idiot Villages."

The whole idea was derided late last night by Government officials as nonsense, they went on to say, "It's nonsense".
Harsh words I'm sure you will agree but completely justified according to French mathematician Jacques Oeuf, 34 and a half. He said in a hasty interview before jetting off to a high profile conference in Boise, Idaho that, "Idi Ohsee and his gang of fawning sycophants are actually only Theoretically Mathematicians and nothing they say should be given any credence." All this in a typically disdainful french accent that had many passers-by of the feminine persuasion swooning. When asked by The Gekko if he had meant to say Theoretical he replied with a cheeky Mona Lisa smile and with a Gallic shrug of his Versace clad shoulders he disappeared into his waiting bus.

It is only left for the Gekko to say that if a way to weed out the intellectually weaker members of the herd is there perhaps it should be used though that is for other, perhaps wiser minds to decide. Before you judge for yourselves if there is any shred of truth to this, one more piece of information should be made available:

Using the same formula it is suggested that the United States of America has a PDF of just 0.33.

Case closed?

written by Pete Riddish Science Editor