The uterus hit the headlines again today, metaphorically speaking thankfully, as news broke that thousands of women in the UK are having needless hysterectomies for a problem that may not even require surgery.
The problem is Heavy Menstrual Bleeding or (HMB) that can now be treated with new drugs or lasers in certain circumstances. In parts of the country hysterectomies have been cut by up to 64% but once again the difference in NHS standards throughout the country mean in some regions only a 15% decrease has been seen.
Experts are worried by the trend and are calling for an end to the practice. The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) has put together guidelines for doctors stressing that surgery should be a last resort.
Many women feel they must either suffer in silence - though if they do we would have to ask their partners - or have a hysterectomy, this should not be so. Both women and doctors should be given the means to be properly educated on all possible procedures.
Mike Mikerson of Essex, 36, said, "My wife suffers terribly. And so do I. I was hit with an ironing board just last week, I still can't feel my left arm and my teeth are loose. Anything that can help without resorting to a hysterectomy should be made available."
This puts into context the debate over the recently mooted uterine transplants. Whilst women may be being rendered sterile thanks to unnecessary womb removal the idea of giving a woman a new one should perhaps be placed on the back burner for a while, and surely must not be derided.
The Gekko is appalled that this kind of thing can happen. This is the 21st Century not the dark ages.
by Pete Riddish Science Editor
Showing posts with label science. Show all posts
Showing posts with label science. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Super Hero Comes To A Sticky End... And Dies!! Was it murder?
The world was in mourning this morning as news broke that retired Super Hero Captain Ace, also known as Norm Standard, was found dead under "Strange Circumstances this morning" according to coroner Mort Mortimer, 53, of Hatfield Hertfordshire, UK.
Revered worldwide by the whole world Captain Ace was responsible for saving millions of lives from the dastardly plans of several Arch Villains. He finally quit the Super Hero business after a multi-billion dollar lawsuit was filed against him by the United States Government for damages to property. The case was settled out of court for an undisclosed figure but the negative press and stress drove him into hiding.
He live in obscurity until his alter ego was exposed by this reporter (Ed. note when he worked on the now defunct publication the "Bognor Regis Clarion") and he was revealed as supermarket trolley collector Norm Standard. Following the expose Mr. Standard became a much loved television sports pundit and host of popular afternoon quiz show Countdown. He was also beleived to be working on his memoirs to the consternation of many celebrities and Government officials.
How Captain Ace actually died is still to be determined. His impervious body is rendering a post mortem very difficult. His only known allergy was the rocks from his native world of Phunkyton known as Phunkytonite. Despite the difficulty in getting Phunkytonite for most people many mad scientists managed to weaponise the ore in a multitude of attempts on Captain Ace's life.
Indeed one such Arch Villain Doctor Spike, 63, made a fortune from his cell by patenting a spray deodorant based on Phunkytonite that has proved extremely popular in the criminal community. When asked to comment Doctor Spike said "Wah, Ha, Ha, Ha." His flufy white cat merely sat quietly, apparently unmoved.
Hertfordshire police spokesman Det. Supt. Bill Bobby, 50, said the case is being treated as a murder enquiry until otherwise. They are eager to speak to Strange Circumstances, the famed, exotic Super Heroine who was the last person to see Captain Ace alive. She was last seen disappearing into the clouds as she flew away. There have long been rumours of a relationship between the super pair that they both strenuously denied but this latest development seems to prove them true.
Gekko Science Editor Pete Riddish Bsc, Msc, Phd said this morning that old age "could be a factor in Captain Ace's death." His planet has been identified as being approx 120 light years distant from Earth, meaning if he travelled here at light speed he was already 120ish when he arrived, add to that the 60 odd years he's been here fighting crime and pushing trolleys he could be an old man in the terms of his people.
"Given what he was doing at the time of his demise, maybe it was just the normal getting funky tonite that killed the Super hero" joked TV funny man Josh Kidd.
A service is to be held at St. Ethelredas Church in Old Hatfield on Sunday February 14th, Captain Ace's adopted birthday, all are welcome and any donations should be given in lieu of flowers. As per his will donations should be sent to Captains Ace's favoured charity that he co-founded and patronised, the National Union of Trolley Collectors And Synergetic Employees.
N.U.T.C.A.S.E. co-founder and director Lou Neetoons, 35, is said to be distraught and unavailable for comment. Her spokesman said on her behalf, "She is distraught and unavailable for comment."
The Gekko offers it's condolences to those who knew the deceased both as Super Hero and as trolley collector. His loss will be felt by all.
written by Society Editor Packer Llyghs
Revered worldwide by the whole world Captain Ace was responsible for saving millions of lives from the dastardly plans of several Arch Villains. He finally quit the Super Hero business after a multi-billion dollar lawsuit was filed against him by the United States Government for damages to property. The case was settled out of court for an undisclosed figure but the negative press and stress drove him into hiding.
He live in obscurity until his alter ego was exposed by this reporter (Ed. note when he worked on the now defunct publication the "Bognor Regis Clarion") and he was revealed as supermarket trolley collector Norm Standard. Following the expose Mr. Standard became a much loved television sports pundit and host of popular afternoon quiz show Countdown. He was also beleived to be working on his memoirs to the consternation of many celebrities and Government officials.
How Captain Ace actually died is still to be determined. His impervious body is rendering a post mortem very difficult. His only known allergy was the rocks from his native world of Phunkyton known as Phunkytonite. Despite the difficulty in getting Phunkytonite for most people many mad scientists managed to weaponise the ore in a multitude of attempts on Captain Ace's life.
Indeed one such Arch Villain Doctor Spike, 63, made a fortune from his cell by patenting a spray deodorant based on Phunkytonite that has proved extremely popular in the criminal community. When asked to comment Doctor Spike said "Wah, Ha, Ha, Ha." His flufy white cat merely sat quietly, apparently unmoved.
Hertfordshire police spokesman Det. Supt. Bill Bobby, 50, said the case is being treated as a murder enquiry until otherwise. They are eager to speak to Strange Circumstances, the famed, exotic Super Heroine who was the last person to see Captain Ace alive. She was last seen disappearing into the clouds as she flew away. There have long been rumours of a relationship between the super pair that they both strenuously denied but this latest development seems to prove them true.
Gekko Science Editor Pete Riddish Bsc, Msc, Phd said this morning that old age "could be a factor in Captain Ace's death." His planet has been identified as being approx 120 light years distant from Earth, meaning if he travelled here at light speed he was already 120ish when he arrived, add to that the 60 odd years he's been here fighting crime and pushing trolleys he could be an old man in the terms of his people.
"Given what he was doing at the time of his demise, maybe it was just the normal getting funky tonite that killed the Super hero" joked TV funny man Josh Kidd.
A service is to be held at St. Ethelredas Church in Old Hatfield on Sunday February 14th, Captain Ace's adopted birthday, all are welcome and any donations should be given in lieu of flowers. As per his will donations should be sent to Captains Ace's favoured charity that he co-founded and patronised, the National Union of Trolley Collectors And Synergetic Employees.
N.U.T.C.A.S.E. co-founder and director Lou Neetoons, 35, is said to be distraught and unavailable for comment. Her spokesman said on her behalf, "She is distraught and unavailable for comment."
The Gekko offers it's condolences to those who knew the deceased both as Super Hero and as trolley collector. His loss will be felt by all.
written by Society Editor Packer Llyghs
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Floccinaucinihilipilificaic Mathematics To Spawn Idiot Villages
In a press release today it was announced by Mathematicians from de Mass University in Belgium that a new, revolutionary method called the Population Density Factor or PDF has been developed for measuring the average stupity levels of any populated area.
Population Density Factor is the measure of the number per unit area divided by the average IQ of the areas inhabitants. Simply put for those of you who are not clever enough to work it out for yourselves the formula is: total area population / land area in square miles (or square kilometers) / average IQ.
For example, Britains population of 60 million, divided by the land area of 242,514 square kilometers yields a density of 247 people per square kilometer. This divided by the average IQ of 100 gives a Poulation Density Factor of 2.47. This would indicate the UK is a stupid place but it behooves The Gekko to point out that the Density Factor within the country varies dramatically - a vast majority of the most stupid people live in the northern part of the country and of course these figures include Wales (Editors note: not to mention the Scilly Isles - it's right there in the name) Population Density Factor is only a rough gauge to measure a population's level of simple minded, slow-witted gormlessosity across the entire land.
Professor Idi Ohsee MA Dsc IENt ISt Phd, 85, of de Mass University claimed it was the single most important breakthrough in the world of Floccinaucinihilipilificaic Mathematics, "It is the single most important breakthrough in the world of Floccinaucinihilipilificaic Mathematics", he said during an interview with The Gekko conducted via semaphore. His sentiment was echoed by his fellows in an annoying, schoolboy manner; although admittedly it is quite clever to echo with flags.
There were some negative comments made about PDF and several groups said that they worried about the misuse of such information and the possible creation of super intelligent zones where stupid people would be cast out. The inevitable conclusion of such a policy would be to force all the morons to group together. Quipped celebrity sociologist and anthropologist and Playboy Playmate of the Month Bunny Boyler , 19, "No longer would there be village idiots, but Idiot Villages."
The whole idea was derided late last night by Government officials as nonsense, they went on to say, "It's nonsense".
Harsh words I'm sure you will agree but completely justified according to French mathematician Jacques Oeuf, 34 and a half. He said in a hasty interview before jetting off to a high profile conference in Boise, Idaho that, "Idi Ohsee and his gang of fawning sycophants are actually only Theoretically Mathematicians and nothing they say should be given any credence." All this in a typically disdainful french accent that had many passers-by of the feminine persuasion swooning. When asked by The Gekko if he had meant to say Theoretical he replied with a cheeky Mona Lisa smile and with a Gallic shrug of his Versace clad shoulders he disappeared into his waiting bus.
It is only left for the Gekko to say that if a way to weed out the intellectually weaker members of the herd is there perhaps it should be used though that is for other, perhaps wiser minds to decide. Before you judge for yourselves if there is any shred of truth to this, one more piece of information should be made available:
Using the same formula it is suggested that the United States of America has a PDF of just 0.33.
Case closed?
written by Pete Riddish Science Editor
Population Density Factor is the measure of the number per unit area divided by the average IQ of the areas inhabitants. Simply put for those of you who are not clever enough to work it out for yourselves the formula is: total area population / land area in square miles (or square kilometers) / average IQ.
For example, Britains population of 60 million, divided by the land area of 242,514 square kilometers yields a density of 247 people per square kilometer. This divided by the average IQ of 100 gives a Poulation Density Factor of 2.47. This would indicate the UK is a stupid place but it behooves The Gekko to point out that the Density Factor within the country varies dramatically - a vast majority of the most stupid people live in the northern part of the country and of course these figures include Wales (Editors note: not to mention the Scilly Isles - it's right there in the name) Population Density Factor is only a rough gauge to measure a population's level of simple minded, slow-witted gormlessosity across the entire land.
Professor Idi Ohsee MA Dsc IENt ISt Phd, 85, of de Mass University claimed it was the single most important breakthrough in the world of Floccinaucinihilipilificaic Mathematics, "It is the single most important breakthrough in the world of Floccinaucinihilipilificaic Mathematics", he said during an interview with The Gekko conducted via semaphore. His sentiment was echoed by his fellows in an annoying, schoolboy manner; although admittedly it is quite clever to echo with flags.
There were some negative comments made about PDF and several groups said that they worried about the misuse of such information and the possible creation of super intelligent zones where stupid people would be cast out. The inevitable conclusion of such a policy would be to force all the morons to group together. Quipped celebrity sociologist and anthropologist and Playboy Playmate of the Month Bunny Boyler , 19, "No longer would there be village idiots, but Idiot Villages."
The whole idea was derided late last night by Government officials as nonsense, they went on to say, "It's nonsense".
Harsh words I'm sure you will agree but completely justified according to French mathematician Jacques Oeuf, 34 and a half. He said in a hasty interview before jetting off to a high profile conference in Boise, Idaho that, "Idi Ohsee and his gang of fawning sycophants are actually only Theoretically Mathematicians and nothing they say should be given any credence." All this in a typically disdainful french accent that had many passers-by of the feminine persuasion swooning. When asked by The Gekko if he had meant to say Theoretical he replied with a cheeky Mona Lisa smile and with a Gallic shrug of his Versace clad shoulders he disappeared into his waiting bus.
It is only left for the Gekko to say that if a way to weed out the intellectually weaker members of the herd is there perhaps it should be used though that is for other, perhaps wiser minds to decide. Before you judge for yourselves if there is any shred of truth to this, one more piece of information should be made available:
Using the same formula it is suggested that the United States of America has a PDF of just 0.33.
Case closed?
written by Pete Riddish Science Editor
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